Monday, April 18, 2011

Aw Hell

I just want to blog about the crazies. You know the kind if you have ever been part of a trans group. Hell I am trans and I look at some of these bozos and think they're bonkers. I have omitted pictures to protect privacy but you will know the type I speak of if you have ever been to a trans group.

Wait wait...
Let me pull back a bit to put some perspective on this. At our educational outreach group this weekend at the STLGF we had a speaker on political activism who came in to give us a status report on what was going on in regards to civil rights progress for trans people. This gentleman walks in, with a masters from Oxford.

Great! I am thinking to myself. We as a group have competent representation in the Missouri lobby. This gentleman goes on to describe in a fair amount of detail how difficult it is to pass any type of progressive trans bill in Missouri. The legislative consensus is that the trans community is a bunch of wacko nutjobs who are off their rockers. People just don't want a bunch of perverts running the streets with legislative protection.

I am outraged! How dare our representatives deny us our rights!

This is where I look around the room. Aw Hell !!! 75% of the room is full of wacko nutjobs who are off their rockers. (For clarification let me state that there is not one FTM member in attendance.) So I look to the far end of the room. There is a guy in a camouflage ball cap, I don't think he's shaved since the day before. He is wearing a dirty t-shirt, and a gypsy skirt that does not match. Wait it gets better! He also has on white stockings, and has his white tube socks over them. These are stuffed into some kind of fluorescent purple shoe. I'm not done yet. He also has some fake EEE bazoombas. My wife is barely holding her composure, she can hardly control herself and wants to start yelling at this idiot.

But wait there is more! At the table next to ours is a gentleman who is also wearing a camouflage ball cap. I'm thinking this guy hasn't shaved since the day before as well. Bla bla... Guy's t-shirt, jean jacket, jeans, etc... Over the jeans are a pair of black patent leather stripper boots with a 4 inch heel that come half way up his thigh. He also sports some kind of girly coin purse on his macho belt. OK now... I am uncomfortable. I don't want to be associated with this kind of behavior.

Our state lobbyist is here. I'm in business casual so are about 10% of the people there. There are others who are fairly put together but in casual. I have no problem with that. These friggin nut jobs though... What the fuck?!? This is what the legislature and the general public thinks of when they want to pass anti-trans legislation. I can not blame them. They saunter into women's restrooms with out batting an eye. My wife who is a huge trans-rights supporter wants to lock up these idiots. She will not go to the bathroom at the meetings anymore. She is afraid for her safety and I can not blame her.

So I go home... I'm in the middle of a breakdown now. The public sees me as part of the general population of trans-people that is comprised of these freaks and weirdos. I contemplate my own sanity, I desperately want to denounce that I am trans, I consider suicide because I can not wish being trans away. Bitter old haggy drag queens and freaks... these are my people? Fuck no! I am a simple, middle class, person who wants to blend in with society without notice. I do not want to be exceptional in any way.

But now... now what do I do? I could not come to terms with being trans because I am not like that. Now I am trans and have come to terms with it but I can not accept the company that society puts me with. I am in the middle of a meltdown. I cried on and off the last two days. I no longer want to transition. I have not stopped HRT. I tried that many times only to fail. However I will not present myself in that manner. I can not. Not now. I can not be seen as one of them. I would sooner die. These guys that throw on a skirt & heels and fake boobs to get their jollies fuck my world up. I can not be around it. They are ruining my life. I hide and they prance around with hard cocks under their skirts. What the fuck is wrong with this world?

So what is the point? Keep your fuckin fetish behind closed doors. No one wants to see it. Post it on CraigsList with the rest of the pervs but keep it off my streets. Keep it away from my children and my wife. Do what you want. I respect your rights of free expression. Just do not do this shit in places that undermine my rights. I have respect for myself. I work hard and damn it I deserve my rights.

If these right wing religious freaks really wanted to squash trans-related civil rights, all they really need to do is dress up like fruitcake nutjobs and walk around. That should completely kill off any chance I have of having equal rights. So I am going stealth, not trans-stealth, just stealth. I can in no way get rid of how I feel and the way I was born. What I can do is keep it to myself. My family knows, my friends know, and that is well enough for me. I would dearly love to be out to the world as my true self but that just is not going to happen. I am not like them and I will not have my friends, co-workers, family and peers thinking of me like that.

Is passing the point? Fuck yes! So until I do, fuck this.


  1. I couldn't agree with you more Elizabeth. The people that you described are fetishists, not people who are truly transgendered. It is this impression that the right wingers tend to portray when it comes to trans rights; not the respectable transgendered people who just want to fit into society. While I respect a person's right to self expression, I avoid being associated with people such as that as they just perpetuate an unflattering view of us that works to our detriment.

  2. Thank you for your comments. I wrote this post at a time of great distress. I stumbled across it just today when checking referring sights. Search for "What the fuck" on this page.

    I can hardly believe my blog has been associated with such biggotry and intolerance. What this writer needs is a good dose of education and intelligence. She would argue that while taking out the trash all of us should be denied our rights. Her thinking is totally contrary to our constitution and our system of justice.

    We are not less than human. We have feelings. We want to simply be left alone to live our lives without being judged by the ignorant. I implore the visitors from the link above to use their own best judgement. Most would not know if they walked right by me, in a restroom or not. However if I attempt to use the men's room fathers grab their children and run out in fear. Separate but equal, family restrooms, are not acceptable solutions.

    Those like us here are simply people born with a horrifying, socialy unaccaptable, birth defect. We had no choice in this any more than people have in choosing the color of their skin or who they fall in love with. We have lived in fear and some of that has to do with the association socity draws between fetishists and transsexuals. Let me make this completely clear.

    Transsexuals are not fetishists. We are normal peole who's bodies do not match our minds. We attempt our best to fit the social roles that our minds fit. We can do nothing to change how we feel, all we can change is our social roles and how others perceive us.

  3. As long as FtM are suing rape crisis centers, demanding access to women-only spaces, and hosting meetings about strategies to break the "cotton ceiling", I will question their priorities and remain suspicious of their true motives.

    1. I would agree if this were a perfect world. However it is not. Hell if the world were perfect I wouldn't have been born male.

      To your point. Rape crisis centers barely have enough funding to function. There will never be enough money to run MTF only rape centers.

      You are missing one vital fact in your point of view. I was born female, in a male body. Why should I be denied women-only spaces? Why should I be denied equal rights? Why should I be treated as less than human?

      The motives are simply equal rights. Nothing more, we aren't asking for anything more than the rights you enjoy as a woman. There are only 15 states where it is illegal to discriminate against trans men and women.

      We do not enjoy the protections of the bill of rights. We serve in the military and pay taxes yet we are treated as less than human.

      One in 12 transgender women are murdered. Forty one percent of us commit suicide due to external social pressures.

      That means half of us die because we are trans. 49% of us die because we were born different. What is being done about it? Nothing. 26% of us report being physically assaulted and 50% don't report it. I know I didn't report it. That isn't even including the daily beatings I took in grade school before I even understood what it was for. The girls in my class even told me to use their bathroom so I wouldn't get beaten up anymore. That was in 2nd grade.

  4. This is not a question of gender for females it is a question of sex. If you aren't XX you aren't female. Female only spaces should stay that way.

    As for gender, it is social construct, having nothing to do with sex. Do what you want in that area, live whatever stereotype you want. Call yourself a woman, if that's what makes you feel right. It is all a matter of opinion.

    You are entitled to your own opinion, we all are. You are not entitled to your own facts. Females are XX and trans women aren't. These are facts. Claiming discrimination and calling people bigots for believing these facts will not change the facts. Always, you will still be faced with the fact that Female = XX and Male = XY. I don't understand why this can't be integrated this into a person's life.

  5. Its not about "fitting in" and "blending in" to survive. This makes you no more intelligent than a chameleon. Its about expanding or eliminating theroles altogether so folks can express themselves freely and creatively without the need for subterfuge, deception, cooptation or deceit. Where you dont have to worry about getting beat up or deny us biofemales our spaces and needs for your own!

  6. Also, those girls in second grade INVITED you to come in. They knew you. And most I'm sure hadn't been steeped in rape culture yet.

    Here's the thing. I wouldn't mind sharing a restroom with every transwoman I know. Heck, if you came to my gym and introduced yourself to me and tried to help me get to know you I might even go to bat for you with the other ladies in the locker room. But for all the fear you say you feel when entering the men's, imagine how women feel when we we a non-passable male looking/bodied person WE DON'T KNOW in our most intimate and vulnerable places. Do you know how many of us are sexually assaulted, beaten murdered every year? Including in restrooms and other private facilities? Look it up. The numbers will astonish you. You might have a higher percentage of your community who are threatened, but FAABS have you in sheer numbers. So please, stop thinking like an entitled man and consider that we don't know the difference between you and any other person we perceive as male, and the seconds it takes to figure out could cost our lives. Men actually DO cross dress to commit crimes against women. It's NOT a myth. Giving carte blanche access puts me at risk.

    And why aren't single user spaces ok? Unisex stalls don't say TR*NNY in big bold letters. They say UNISEX. ANYONE. You have privacy, I have privacy and MAAB's can't get you? I'll tell you why. Because more than wanting a safe space to pee you want acceptance from born females.

    1. "you want acceptance from born females."

      Add that's a bad thing why exactly?