I just want to blog about the crazies. You know the kind if you have ever been part of a trans group. Hell I am trans and I look at some of these bozos and think they're bonkers. I have omitted pictures to protect privacy but you will know the type I speak of if you have ever been to a trans group.
Let me pull back a bit to put some perspective on this. At our educational outreach group this weekend at the STLGF we had a speaker on political activism who came in to give us a status report on what was going on in regards to civil rights progress for trans people. This gentleman walks in, with a masters from Oxford.
Great! I am thinking to myself. We as a group have competent representation in the Missouri lobby. This gentleman goes on to describe in a fair amount of detail how difficult it is to pass any type of progressive trans bill in Missouri. The legislative consensus is that the trans community is a bunch of wacko nutjobs who are off their rockers. People just don't want a bunch of perverts running the streets with legislative protection.
I am outraged! How dare our representatives deny us our rights!
This is where I look around the room. Aw Hell !!! 75% of the room is full of wacko nutjobs who are off their rockers. (For clarification let me state that there is not one FTM member in attendance.) So I look to the far end of the room. There is a guy in a camouflage ball cap, I don't think he's shaved since the day before. He is wearing a dirty t-shirt, and a gypsy skirt that does not match. Wait it gets better! He also has on white stockings, and has his white tube socks over them. These are stuffed into some kind of fluorescent purple shoe. I'm not done yet. He also has some fake EEE bazoombas. My wife is barely holding her composure, she can hardly control herself and wants to start yelling at this idiot.
But wait there is more! At the table next to ours is a gentleman who is also wearing a camouflage ball cap. I'm thinking this guy hasn't shaved since the day before as well. Bla bla... Guy's t-shirt, jean jacket, jeans, etc... Over the jeans are a pair of black patent leather stripper boots with a 4 inch heel that come half way up his thigh. He also sports some kind of girly coin purse on his macho belt. OK now... I am uncomfortable. I don't want to be associated with this kind of behavior.
Our state lobbyist is here. I'm in business casual so are about 10% of the people there. There are others who are fairly put together but in casual. I have no problem with that. These friggin nut jobs though... What the fuck?!? This is what the legislature and the general public thinks of when they want to pass anti-trans legislation. I can not blame them. They saunter into women's restrooms with out batting an eye. My wife who is a huge trans-rights supporter wants to lock up these idiots. She will not go to the bathroom at the meetings anymore. She is afraid for her safety and I can not blame her.
So I go home... I'm in the middle of a breakdown now. The public sees me as part of the general population of trans-people that is comprised of these freaks and weirdos. I contemplate my own sanity, I desperately want to denounce that I am trans, I consider suicide because I can not wish being trans away. Bitter old haggy drag queens and freaks... these are my people? Fuck no! I am a simple, middle class, person who wants to blend in with society without notice. I do not want to be exceptional in any way.
But now... now what do I do? I could not come to terms with being trans because I am not like that. Now I am trans and have come to terms with it but I can not accept the company that society puts me with. I am in the middle of a meltdown. I cried on and off the last two days. I no longer want to transition. I have not stopped HRT. I tried that many times only to fail. However I will not present myself in that manner. I can not. Not now. I can not be seen as one of them. I would sooner die. These guys that throw on a skirt & heels and fake boobs to get their jollies fuck my world up. I can not be around it. They are ruining my life. I hide and they prance around with hard cocks under their skirts. What the fuck is wrong with this world?
So what is the point? Keep your fuckin fetish behind closed doors. No one wants to see it. Post it on CraigsList with the rest of the pervs but keep it off my streets. Keep it away from my children and my wife. Do what you want. I respect your rights of free expression. Just do not do this shit in places that undermine my rights. I have respect for myself. I work hard and damn it I deserve my rights.
If these right wing religious freaks really wanted to squash trans-related civil rights, all they really need to do is dress up like fruitcake nutjobs and walk around. That should completely kill off any chance I have of having equal rights. So I am going stealth, not trans-stealth, just stealth. I can in no way get rid of how I feel and the way I was born. What I can do is keep it to myself. My family knows, my friends know, and that is well enough for me. I would dearly love to be out to the world as my true self but that just is not going to happen. I am not like them and I will not have my friends, co-workers, family and peers thinking of me like that.
Is passing the point? Fuck yes! So until I do, fuck this.