Cruise Control

It has been another month. In three more weeks I will have been on HRT for a year. What a journey that has been. I have had so many ups and downs it is good to finally find myself in a good place.

The past few months have been wonderful. (With the exception of the job I have but hate.) I have found acceptance within myself. I know I said something similar before but I actually have it now. Let me explain:

Remember back in your 20's somewhere (if you are not there yet *Spoiler Allert*) when you stopped trying to fit in and established your independence from everyone? Well this is more like that. I am at that place that right wing religious freaks hate. I will go out and present myself as a woman even with facial hair. I have gotten to the point that I just don't care. I actually like the way I look in the mirror most of the time. Do I know I don't fit in? Of course I do. Do I care? Nope! Do I fit in when I'm clean shaven? For the most part I do. If you look close enough you will see those closely shaven hairs hiding under my foundation. That requires good lighting and close proximity. I don't avoid those situations anymore. I am tired of trying to fit in.

I have my wife to thank for my change of attitude. She has me convinced that I am hot. I know that is a biased opinion but now I agree with her. I have gotten to a point, finally, where I can go out in public with her without embarrassing her. I have crossed that invisible line.

I have had others, other trans women, tell me that I am totally passable. I believed them to a point. I was considering the source of course. Now with my own eyes I have seen the results of 11 months of HRT and anti-androgens. I have walked up to people and they were none the wiser. That gives me great comfort to finally accept myself for who I am.

Am I flaggable? Well to a point. I have flagged many cis-women and been wrong. This is my assumption of where I fit in. I do not believe that I have reached pinup status nor do I think I'm a knockout. I do know that at times I look and feel hot. I have had cis-women comment on being jealous of some of my features. Well... not to brag, my eyebrows, my legs, my nails, my makeup, my clothes, and my shoes. Not too shabby if I am allowed to say so. What I am sure they are not jealous of are my nose, my chin, my shoulders, and my stubborn facial hair. So maybe there may be a need of some FFS in my future but I might be trying to fix what isn't broken. I'll decide that in another year or so.

Now on to the kibbles and bits. I have started Depo injections on top of my estradiol (E2) pills. So I am now on 4 1mg pills a day plus a 1ml dose of Depo-Estradiol 5mg/ml every 2 weeks. I also take one 100mg pill of Prometrium and two 50mg pills of Spironolactone every 12 hours. The estradiol pills I take at 5 hour intervals from waking. This is usually at 7:30am, 1:00pm, 6:00pm and when I go to bed, which is usually 10:30pm to 2:30am. I know some people are stuck on the premise that you have to take them all at the exact time every day. This is not true. The important part of a HRT regimen is keeping your levels consistent. What does that mean to me? It means that I want to be at or slightly above 600 Picograms per milliliter (pg/mL) as measured by Labcorp. Different labs will yield different results with the same blood. It is important that you have a doctor monitor these levels and that your doctor knows the difference between results from different labs. If you are familiar with lab results you will notice that this number is high for a genetic female. A pre-menopausal woman will have levels ranging from 30–400pg/mL. While in puberty those levels can be as high as 600pg/mL. This is the range where most of the secondary sex characteristics are triggered. Your testosterone level will drop as you take more estrogen as well. The anti-androgens don't do much to the mature male other than curb hair growth, legs, armpits, chest, arms, there simply isn't much that can be reversed. It does make a difference though. A big difference in my opinion. I also take 2.5mg Finasteride every morning to keep any testosterone left in my body from converting to dihydrotestosterone (DHT). I have noticed a fuller head of hair since I started taking it.

What are the results of all this technical info in practice? At 11 months I am a B and still going. I have very little body hair but even after 50+ hours of electrolysis I am hardly half way done removing facial hair. I have noticed the biggest changes in my mannerisms and my speaking. My face has also come along quite well. So in short the results have been indicating success. I still have another year to go before I will have any clue of how I will look like for the rest of my life but if this year is any indicator, I believe I am in for a happy life.

So my attitude has been to take a step back. I need to give my medical plan time to take full effect. My journey is a long one so for now I am going to kick back and put it on cruise control.